When your heart stirs controversy

I will be the first to admit, I know just enough about politics to be dangerous, but not enough to enact change. I know the highlights of what people stand for, which side of the part line they stand on, and I even follow a few on social media platforms like twitter. This is all pretty new to me, up until about ten years ago, I couldn't be bothered to care about these things. Basically I was living in my privilege and assuming all would be fine because these things didn't really seem to affect me and my day to day life. I was so ignorant, and willfully so. Then, as I got older, I looked around and realized exactly how wrong I had been all those years. Some of my nearest and dearest friends were struggling on the daily to do basic things that I took for granted, because the law impeded their ability to live their lives as they chose. Now- let me go ahead and interject a small tidbit of info on where I stand here. This is NOT a post for people to come at me about religious choices/ beliefs/ and what the Bible says. Everyone has their pulpits that they like to stand behind, and everyone has a stone they are all too happy to throw. I am a Christian and I do believe in the Bible, I also believe in humanity. I believe in loving everyone, not despite things I wish they would change, not despite things I look down on, I just love them top to bottom, through and through, I love them period. I have zero stones to throw, as I am not a perfect person myself. I have zero judgment to dish out, as I am in no way a judge. I am not preaching at anyone, I didn't go to seminary. Ok? You picking up what I am putting down here? So, back to the matter at hand.... I had friends that couldn't get married. Friends who couldn't change their identification marker on their license. Friends who could not adopt. There were so many issues that I had just been blind to, ignorant about, and closing my eyes to. So, I started looking at what I was doing, searching my heart, and spending time trying to see what side of the line I stood on. Not what line I was raised to believe was correct, not where I thought the majority of my friends would stand, just where did I personally feel I should be. I will not lie. This was and still is a hard place for me to find, a hard place to claim as mine, and a shifting sand place to stand. There are times I feel like the most feminist, liberal, Democrat ever. And there are times I am so very conservative and want to put a Republican bumper sticker on my car. I am not firmly rooted at all, to say the least. Yet, my heart cries out to so many, my soul wrenches at the plight of those around me, and my body screams for change at the injustice that others face. Right now, just a few hours from me, there is a place called Tent City where immigrant children are being housed in cages after having been ripped from their parents arms. Just my choice in wording while typing that sentence is controversial. The word "cages" has been highly battled over already this week, debated, fought about. However, it is a steel enclosure, with sides, and a door that is locked with a keypad. It looks like a cage, so that is what I am calling it. It's a cage. Beyond the name of the structure they are being housed in, is the fact that these children are sleeping on flimsy mats, underneath what can only be described as blankets that look like tin foil. Their cries for their parents are heart breaking. Their level of discomfort makes me so uneasy. They have shaken me right out of my privileged seat and made me mourn the loss of hope they surely thought they would find in America. So what is the answer? Do we leave our borders open to anyone and everyone? Do we allow anyone with a child to seek refuge and stay? Do we send the children back with their parents to whatever was so horrible that they risked their lives to escape? I really don't have answers. I have opinions, but so does everyone else, and they really aren't changing anything. They are just words. Mentally, I can not wrap my head around how it could be legal to separate these children from their parents. What authority are we standing on to house these children? Some are saying these children, right now, have it better in this temperature controlled environment than they ever have before. They are being fed. They are safe. I hear this, BUT, they don't have their parents. Yes, they may be fed, but they don't have their parents. When people have grown up without basic necessities, grown up in fearful situations where nothing is ever taken for granted, their family is often the only constant they have. These people came here with nothing. There is not telling what all they had to endure along the way just to arrive here, and as soon as they crossed that border, we took away the only constant those children have ever known. We ripped them right out of their parents arms. Just imagine that. Many have been told fairy tale like stories about how America will be this Happily Ever After for them, some were probably even told these stories on their way here. Then they arrive, expecting this safety, and they are thrown in a cage. Some do not even speak the language, so they must be terrified. I didn't sleep much at all last night after the video of them was released. My soul just couldn't settle. My family was in arms reach, I was in my own four walls that I know so well, and surrounded by all my things, and I felt shaken. I wanted to risk prison, or worse, to drive down there and try to break these babies out of this Tent City. I know. I was quite delusional at 2 am.... I am not exactly a justice fighting super hero in my mom wagon that doesn't go over 70 mph very easily. But hey, I wanted change! I wanted justice! I wanted to fix this and fix it now. So, how is that done? Seriously, anyone, tell me, how do we fix this? What can be done on a person to person level. Everyone is posting on social media that we should each reach out to our representatives and demand this be stopped. I think that sounds great, but what then? What happens next? I honestly want to know.

MUAs and My Obsession

Y'all, I have been watching these MUA videos a lot lately. (Make Up Artists, I know... I had to look it up too.) I am pretty sure I have even crossed the line into becoming obsessed with these videos. I legit will watch them every day, but I only watch a handful of people, so I basically watch the same people every day when they go live or post new content. For most people, this would be a little much, a tad over the top.... but then you add the fact that it is me, and it takes a turn. I become flipping invested in these people. Do you know what I mean? How many of you can identify with that after you have invested so much time into a series like Grey's Anatomy, or The Handmaid's Tale (ooo... that's another story for another time)? I mean, we all do right? We cried when George wrote 007 in Meredith's hand before he died. We threw the remote and cursed at Shonda Rhimes when McDreamy died and then swore to never watch again (even though we shamefully crawled back to the couch the next season anyway). So, I figured becoming invested in these MUAs is really just normal, over the top, Candice behavior..... until this weekend... then it all went south. One of the people I watch had a birthday, and I lost my ever loving, mind. I sent the girl a birthday present like I actually freaking knew her. On top of the fact that I already buy every darn thing the girl recommends for making her face look so flawless. CANDICE. STOP. She is 27 years old. TWENTY FREAKING SEVEN with porcelain skin, and blonde hair. I, however, am closer to 40, dark hair, and my skin is olive complexion. OBVIOUSLY what works for her will not necessarily work for me. But does that stop me? Heck no! This MUA said it is the most amazing thing since sunshine, so, I HAVE to buy it. So what makes this so funny is that I am not one of those overly girly people. I don't wear a ton of makeup, I don't play with my hair, or worry about fashion.... it is just not me. Yet somehow, I have enough makeup to open my own Ulta. I am subscribed to a makeup brush monthly delivery service. Until last year, I think I had maybe two brushes total... one for blush, and one for eyes. It's all so ridiculous. Even more so because... I LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME AS I DID WITHOUT ALL THIS MESS! All of this being said, let's get to the point. These videos bring me joy. These purchases bring me joy (because you never know.... it really might be the best thing ever). These purchases even bring my boys joy... as they laugh and make fun of me for having yet ANOTHER box waiting on our doorstep from UPS when we get home at the end of the day. It even helps me stay bonded with my mom, because I get to facetime her and tell her all of the hits and misses that I have recently purchased. So, I am not stopping any time in the near future...unless hubby cuts me off >GASP!< There really was no other reason for talking about this other than, why not?! I haven't blogged in forever, and there isn't anyone that reads this, so I am considering this my MUA shopping addiction confession. The internet isn't a priest, and I'm not Catholic, but surely this counts right?

After graduating

So I am beginning to wonder... Is THIS WHAT I SUFFERED THROUGH COLLEGE FOR?! Lets be honest. 8-5 is ridiculous and whomever came up with the idea of going to work that early must have been a sadist. My paycheck a seem painfully small when looking down the barrel of a 40 hour week. But all of that being said I am completely grateful to have a job and to have FINALLY graduated from Texas A&M University. Major dream come true. So now I'm in a holding pattern. I'm trying to patiently await the next door I am supposed to walk through. My personality does not lend well to patience...

Frugality in B/CS

With three kids, a new house in progress, and my husband being the only bread winner I am constantly on the lookout for ways to save money, in the process changing a LOT of my favorite habits. Clothes shopping happens maybe once a year, and even then it has to be on clearance, Barnes and Noble has been replaced with a library card, and I have become a pro at doing my own toes and nails. With all of this penny pinching going on I get super excited when I find new ways to save a buck and splurge at the same time. SO here is my latest....

STARBUCKS is my passion...an iced mocha on a hot summer day is like heaven shining down on me. LAck of sleep and need for caffeine go hand in hand, but $5.00 a pop (after tip) does not go well with my funds these days. Most people would say brew your own at home, but it doesn't have the same kick as Starbucks, and I hate the watery taste of brewed coffee.

I tried bottled mochas, but those are still $3.00 a piece....not really much of a bargain.

ENTER ICED VIA! For $5.00 you get a box of 5 packets of dissolving coffee. Sounds nasty right...but follow me here. The trick is as follows:

You get a coffee mug, and instead of putting cold water in it as per the instructions, you fill it with milk. Put chocolate syrup in it and stir it up like a glass of chocolate milk. Add HALF a package of the iced via mix and stir stir stir. It's fabulous, and now you have TEN servings instead of the advertised 5. You have an exact taste match for an iced mocha from Starbucks for about sixty cents a mug (after milk and syrup is factored in).

I know! Shut up Right?!? I am so proud of my new find!! Try it and let me know what you think!

SQUISH

I was cheerfully (yeh right) finishing the load of dishes for the evening and making my way into the living room when something under my bare foot went squish.....

Now as a mother of a two year old and a one year old I have become quite familiar with the numerous amounts of nastiness that wind up on the floors daily. It has just become routine that no matter how much I clean behind them they will make a mess and it will be gross. HOWEVER...squish is NOT something I am okay with. Even less so when it is on my carpet and under my BARE FEET.

So my first thought is "Dear Lord- please don't let this be chewed up food". I am terrified to look. Literally it was like a scary movie where the next one in line to die becomes rooted to the spot as doom approaches and the music gets scarier. So I am standing there with my foot still planted on the yet unidentified grossness with my eyes closed and THEN IT HAPPENS.

Ashton starts laughing and I hear feet running away from me. I painfully open my eyes to see what is happening and very promptly see Ty's shiney hiney running away and Ashton laughing while holding Ty's diaper in his hand....which is NOT clean.

"Dear Lord- I CHANGED MY MIND! PLEASE LET IT BE CHEWED FOOD UNDER MY FOOT! PLEASE PLEASE!"

Major Life Changes

God is just blessing our socks off around here, so I finally felt the need to post about it!

My first semester back in college went GREAT, I finished with a 3.69 for the semester (not quite a 4.0 but hey, I will take it)! I am currently in the process of finishing my TAMU paperwork, and am picking out Aggie classes for the fall. Don't worry, when I finally get to set foot back on campus as an Aggie again EVERYONE will know! There will be a major amount of WHOOPING going on I promise.

Dave and I have started the contract paperwork for our very first house. The loan has been approved, and we are going to the builders warehouse tomorrow to pick out flooring, countertops, etc. Now for most people this would not seem like that big of a deal I am sure, I mean we are 30 yrs old, most people our age already have a house. Well, we have lived in the most awful apartment for the past year and half because it was cheap, and well we could afford it. So the fact that we will now have a big garden tub (because I won't even take a bath in the one we have now), two bathrooms, and a big fenced back yard, and three bedrooms, and wood floors (because our one year old is allergic to carpet).... you guys have no idea. I have been on the verge of tears all day because my little heart can't contain my excitement!

I feel like God has allowed us to live through these first three years of our marriage and struggle like we have in order for us to reach this point so that we can fully appreciate our blessings. We have hit one huge mountain after another...but rather than give up we have learned to appreciate the beauty of the mountains that we have had to overcome. And now we will be able to enjoy the mountaintop while eating in our very own brand new home.

I truly feel like Cinderella ... my dreams are coming true, I am going to be an Aggie again, with a beautiful family and a home to call my very own. It has been a long time coming all I can say is God is GOOD...so Gig'Em all, Bless 'Em all, and Love to Everyone who might read this.

Spanx and Chicken Cutlets

Okay so I have given in and bought a way too expensive torture device that others refer to as a pair of Spanx. I get it...I do, but WHY?!? So here was my encounter with the evilness:

I went into the store dressed as baggily as possible and very quietly asked the salesperson how I would know which size to buy. She was very helpful in telling me the sizes- but here was my first dilemma. See in my head I am still lovingly a size 8- not happening in real life though. So I can nudge myself into believing I should be a 10- but in those evil stores that I must shop they have an awful system of sizing their clothing wrong so, in their evil scheme of making me depressed I must by a twelve for some (okay fine- most) things.

So I go into the dressing room where I spend no lie 15 minutes getting into a stupid pair of Spanx. 15 minutes people. what happens when a chunky girl spends 15 minutes in a cramped cubicle with a mirror that shows all of her flaws? She starts sweating, panicking, and wanting chocolate. Anyway- I get the stupid things on and I just looked ridiculous, but I thought- hey it will look better with my jeans. (the size 10 ones that I KNOW I will be able to wear once I drop 50 bucks on this stupid torture device)

So I bought it, and of course on the way to the register I pass what I refer to as the display of chicken cutlets. Those precious little things that you are supposed to put in your bra to make you APPEAR to have boobs. Anyone who knows me knows that I was not blessed in that department AT ALL. If you were to compare boobs to fruit- I would have oranges- on a good day (okay fine- I did while breastfeeding- now I have tangelos). So I was examining this display and seriously considering another economically stupid purchase when I made myself walk away.

I arrived home put the stupid Spanx back on and into the living room to show my sister in law the stupid shirt that makes me look like a grape with my stupid hooker heels and size ten jeans. Her reply? "You know what you need?! Spanx! I swear by them! They are the most amazing thing when you just don't feel like sucking it in." I wanted to scream every cuss word in the book - but that would mean acknowledging that I already had on Spanx and this was as good as it gets.

Fast forward- three hours later we are out and about and momma has to pee. HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO PEE WITH SPANX!? It was a miracle to get into them to begin with with all of the stupid straps and stretchiness. I seriously looked around the bathroom for something sharp to cut them off- I was that desperate. So chunky girl in a cubicle AGAIN for 15 minutes sweating, panicking, and wanting chocolate while having to pee.

And for everything that gets sucked into those stupid media driven torture hose- something has to come out somewhere. YES you look smaller where the Spanx are, but where they are not- THAT'S WHERE THE EXCESS POPS OUT! Seriously every ounce of fat that was hidden around my middle popped out under my bra and between those little straps that you attach to your bra. NOT IN my boob area where the needed chicken cutlets would have been but UNDER the bra. I had so many issues, it was terrible. Not to mention the fact that HELLO!?!? This is TX, and it is freaking hot here without wearing a skin tight layer of support garments under your everyday clothes.

So my deduction? Grab four sizes when you walk into a dressing room. Don't look at the tags when you try them on- buy what fits and burn the evidence. If you own Spanx- burn those too. If you own chicken cutlets throw them out. After all- no matter how sexy you might appear with those evil products- eventually at the end of the night they have to come off- and you won't look the same without them, so why fool yourself or someone else to begin with? We are beautiful as is- and we should try to convince ourselves of that without all of the trickery that the media wants us to believe in.

But if you MUST buy them- also buy chocolate and crisco. you will need them both. trust me.