When your heart stirs controversy

I will be the first to admit, I know just enough about politics to be dangerous, but not enough to enact change. I know the highlights of what people stand for, which side of the part line they stand on, and I even follow a few on social media platforms like twitter. This is all pretty new to me, up until about ten years ago, I couldn't be bothered to care about these things. Basically I was living in my privilege and assuming all would be fine because these things didn't really seem to affect me and my day to day life. I was so ignorant, and willfully so. Then, as I got older, I looked around and realized exactly how wrong I had been all those years. Some of my nearest and dearest friends were struggling on the daily to do basic things that I took for granted, because the law impeded their ability to live their lives as they chose. Now- let me go ahead and interject a small tidbit of info on where I stand here. This is NOT a post for people to come at me about religious choices/ beliefs/ and what the Bible says. Everyone has their pulpits that they like to stand behind, and everyone has a stone they are all too happy to throw. I am a Christian and I do believe in the Bible, I also believe in humanity. I believe in loving everyone, not despite things I wish they would change, not despite things I look down on, I just love them top to bottom, through and through, I love them period. I have zero stones to throw, as I am not a perfect person myself. I have zero judgment to dish out, as I am in no way a judge. I am not preaching at anyone, I didn't go to seminary. Ok? You picking up what I am putting down here? So, back to the matter at hand.... I had friends that couldn't get married. Friends who couldn't change their identification marker on their license. Friends who could not adopt. There were so many issues that I had just been blind to, ignorant about, and closing my eyes to. So, I started looking at what I was doing, searching my heart, and spending time trying to see what side of the line I stood on. Not what line I was raised to believe was correct, not where I thought the majority of my friends would stand, just where did I personally feel I should be. I will not lie. This was and still is a hard place for me to find, a hard place to claim as mine, and a shifting sand place to stand. There are times I feel like the most feminist, liberal, Democrat ever. And there are times I am so very conservative and want to put a Republican bumper sticker on my car. I am not firmly rooted at all, to say the least. Yet, my heart cries out to so many, my soul wrenches at the plight of those around me, and my body screams for change at the injustice that others face. Right now, just a few hours from me, there is a place called Tent City where immigrant children are being housed in cages after having been ripped from their parents arms. Just my choice in wording while typing that sentence is controversial. The word "cages" has been highly battled over already this week, debated, fought about. However, it is a steel enclosure, with sides, and a door that is locked with a keypad. It looks like a cage, so that is what I am calling it. It's a cage. Beyond the name of the structure they are being housed in, is the fact that these children are sleeping on flimsy mats, underneath what can only be described as blankets that look like tin foil. Their cries for their parents are heart breaking. Their level of discomfort makes me so uneasy. They have shaken me right out of my privileged seat and made me mourn the loss of hope they surely thought they would find in America. So what is the answer? Do we leave our borders open to anyone and everyone? Do we allow anyone with a child to seek refuge and stay? Do we send the children back with their parents to whatever was so horrible that they risked their lives to escape? I really don't have answers. I have opinions, but so does everyone else, and they really aren't changing anything. They are just words. Mentally, I can not wrap my head around how it could be legal to separate these children from their parents. What authority are we standing on to house these children? Some are saying these children, right now, have it better in this temperature controlled environment than they ever have before. They are being fed. They are safe. I hear this, BUT, they don't have their parents. Yes, they may be fed, but they don't have their parents. When people have grown up without basic necessities, grown up in fearful situations where nothing is ever taken for granted, their family is often the only constant they have. These people came here with nothing. There is not telling what all they had to endure along the way just to arrive here, and as soon as they crossed that border, we took away the only constant those children have ever known. We ripped them right out of their parents arms. Just imagine that. Many have been told fairy tale like stories about how America will be this Happily Ever After for them, some were probably even told these stories on their way here. Then they arrive, expecting this safety, and they are thrown in a cage. Some do not even speak the language, so they must be terrified. I didn't sleep much at all last night after the video of them was released. My soul just couldn't settle. My family was in arms reach, I was in my own four walls that I know so well, and surrounded by all my things, and I felt shaken. I wanted to risk prison, or worse, to drive down there and try to break these babies out of this Tent City. I know. I was quite delusional at 2 am.... I am not exactly a justice fighting super hero in my mom wagon that doesn't go over 70 mph very easily. But hey, I wanted change! I wanted justice! I wanted to fix this and fix it now. So, how is that done? Seriously, anyone, tell me, how do we fix this? What can be done on a person to person level. Everyone is posting on social media that we should each reach out to our representatives and demand this be stopped. I think that sounds great, but what then? What happens next? I honestly want to know.

MUAs and My Obsession

Y'all, I have been watching these MUA videos a lot lately. (Make Up Artists, I know... I had to look it up too.) I am pretty sure I have even crossed the line into becoming obsessed with these videos. I legit will watch them every day, but I only watch a handful of people, so I basically watch the same people every day when they go live or post new content. For most people, this would be a little much, a tad over the top.... but then you add the fact that it is me, and it takes a turn. I become flipping invested in these people. Do you know what I mean? How many of you can identify with that after you have invested so much time into a series like Grey's Anatomy, or The Handmaid's Tale (ooo... that's another story for another time)? I mean, we all do right? We cried when George wrote 007 in Meredith's hand before he died. We threw the remote and cursed at Shonda Rhimes when McDreamy died and then swore to never watch again (even though we shamefully crawled back to the couch the next season anyway). So, I figured becoming invested in these MUAs is really just normal, over the top, Candice behavior..... until this weekend... then it all went south. One of the people I watch had a birthday, and I lost my ever loving, mind. I sent the girl a birthday present like I actually freaking knew her. On top of the fact that I already buy every darn thing the girl recommends for making her face look so flawless. CANDICE. STOP. She is 27 years old. TWENTY FREAKING SEVEN with porcelain skin, and blonde hair. I, however, am closer to 40, dark hair, and my skin is olive complexion. OBVIOUSLY what works for her will not necessarily work for me. But does that stop me? Heck no! This MUA said it is the most amazing thing since sunshine, so, I HAVE to buy it. So what makes this so funny is that I am not one of those overly girly people. I don't wear a ton of makeup, I don't play with my hair, or worry about fashion.... it is just not me. Yet somehow, I have enough makeup to open my own Ulta. I am subscribed to a makeup brush monthly delivery service. Until last year, I think I had maybe two brushes total... one for blush, and one for eyes. It's all so ridiculous. Even more so because... I LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME AS I DID WITHOUT ALL THIS MESS! All of this being said, let's get to the point. These videos bring me joy. These purchases bring me joy (because you never know.... it really might be the best thing ever). These purchases even bring my boys joy... as they laugh and make fun of me for having yet ANOTHER box waiting on our doorstep from UPS when we get home at the end of the day. It even helps me stay bonded with my mom, because I get to facetime her and tell her all of the hits and misses that I have recently purchased. So, I am not stopping any time in the near future...unless hubby cuts me off >GASP!< There really was no other reason for talking about this other than, why not?! I haven't blogged in forever, and there isn't anyone that reads this, so I am considering this my MUA shopping addiction confession. The internet isn't a priest, and I'm not Catholic, but surely this counts right?

After graduating

So I am beginning to wonder... Is THIS WHAT I SUFFERED THROUGH COLLEGE FOR?! Lets be honest. 8-5 is ridiculous and whomever came up with the idea of going to work that early must have been a sadist. My paycheck a seem painfully small when looking down the barrel of a 40 hour week. But all of that being said I am completely grateful to have a job and to have FINALLY graduated from Texas A&M University. Major dream come true. So now I'm in a holding pattern. I'm trying to patiently await the next door I am supposed to walk through. My personality does not lend well to patience...

Frugality in B/CS

With three kids, a new house in progress, and my husband being the only bread winner I am constantly on the lookout for ways to save money, in the process changing a LOT of my favorite habits. Clothes shopping happens maybe once a year, and even then it has to be on clearance, Barnes and Noble has been replaced with a library card, and I have become a pro at doing my own toes and nails. With all of this penny pinching going on I get super excited when I find new ways to save a buck and splurge at the same time. SO here is my latest....

STARBUCKS is my passion...an iced mocha on a hot summer day is like heaven shining down on me. LAck of sleep and need for caffeine go hand in hand, but $5.00 a pop (after tip) does not go well with my funds these days. Most people would say brew your own at home, but it doesn't have the same kick as Starbucks, and I hate the watery taste of brewed coffee.

I tried bottled mochas, but those are still $3.00 a piece....not really much of a bargain.

ENTER ICED VIA! For $5.00 you get a box of 5 packets of dissolving coffee. Sounds nasty right...but follow me here. The trick is as follows:

You get a coffee mug, and instead of putting cold water in it as per the instructions, you fill it with milk. Put chocolate syrup in it and stir it up like a glass of chocolate milk. Add HALF a package of the iced via mix and stir stir stir. It's fabulous, and now you have TEN servings instead of the advertised 5. You have an exact taste match for an iced mocha from Starbucks for about sixty cents a mug (after milk and syrup is factored in).

I know! Shut up Right?!? I am so proud of my new find!! Try it and let me know what you think!

SQUISH

I was cheerfully (yeh right) finishing the load of dishes for the evening and making my way into the living room when something under my bare foot went squish.....

Now as a mother of a two year old and a one year old I have become quite familiar with the numerous amounts of nastiness that wind up on the floors daily. It has just become routine that no matter how much I clean behind them they will make a mess and it will be gross. HOWEVER...squish is NOT something I am okay with. Even less so when it is on my carpet and under my BARE FEET.

So my first thought is "Dear Lord- please don't let this be chewed up food". I am terrified to look. Literally it was like a scary movie where the next one in line to die becomes rooted to the spot as doom approaches and the music gets scarier. So I am standing there with my foot still planted on the yet unidentified grossness with my eyes closed and THEN IT HAPPENS.

Ashton starts laughing and I hear feet running away from me. I painfully open my eyes to see what is happening and very promptly see Ty's shiney hiney running away and Ashton laughing while holding Ty's diaper in his hand....which is NOT clean.

"Dear Lord- I CHANGED MY MIND! PLEASE LET IT BE CHEWED FOOD UNDER MY FOOT! PLEASE PLEASE!"

Major Life Changes

God is just blessing our socks off around here, so I finally felt the need to post about it!

My first semester back in college went GREAT, I finished with a 3.69 for the semester (not quite a 4.0 but hey, I will take it)! I am currently in the process of finishing my TAMU paperwork, and am picking out Aggie classes for the fall. Don't worry, when I finally get to set foot back on campus as an Aggie again EVERYONE will know! There will be a major amount of WHOOPING going on I promise.

Dave and I have started the contract paperwork for our very first house. The loan has been approved, and we are going to the builders warehouse tomorrow to pick out flooring, countertops, etc. Now for most people this would not seem like that big of a deal I am sure, I mean we are 30 yrs old, most people our age already have a house. Well, we have lived in the most awful apartment for the past year and half because it was cheap, and well we could afford it. So the fact that we will now have a big garden tub (because I won't even take a bath in the one we have now), two bathrooms, and a big fenced back yard, and three bedrooms, and wood floors (because our one year old is allergic to carpet).... you guys have no idea. I have been on the verge of tears all day because my little heart can't contain my excitement!

I feel like God has allowed us to live through these first three years of our marriage and struggle like we have in order for us to reach this point so that we can fully appreciate our blessings. We have hit one huge mountain after another...but rather than give up we have learned to appreciate the beauty of the mountains that we have had to overcome. And now we will be able to enjoy the mountaintop while eating in our very own brand new home.

I truly feel like Cinderella ... my dreams are coming true, I am going to be an Aggie again, with a beautiful family and a home to call my very own. It has been a long time coming all I can say is God is GOOD...so Gig'Em all, Bless 'Em all, and Love to Everyone who might read this.

Spanx and Chicken Cutlets

Okay so I have given in and bought a way too expensive torture device that others refer to as a pair of Spanx. I get it...I do, but WHY?!? So here was my encounter with the evilness:

I went into the store dressed as baggily as possible and very quietly asked the salesperson how I would know which size to buy. She was very helpful in telling me the sizes- but here was my first dilemma. See in my head I am still lovingly a size 8- not happening in real life though. So I can nudge myself into believing I should be a 10- but in those evil stores that I must shop they have an awful system of sizing their clothing wrong so, in their evil scheme of making me depressed I must by a twelve for some (okay fine- most) things.

So I go into the dressing room where I spend no lie 15 minutes getting into a stupid pair of Spanx. 15 minutes people. what happens when a chunky girl spends 15 minutes in a cramped cubicle with a mirror that shows all of her flaws? She starts sweating, panicking, and wanting chocolate. Anyway- I get the stupid things on and I just looked ridiculous, but I thought- hey it will look better with my jeans. (the size 10 ones that I KNOW I will be able to wear once I drop 50 bucks on this stupid torture device)

So I bought it, and of course on the way to the register I pass what I refer to as the display of chicken cutlets. Those precious little things that you are supposed to put in your bra to make you APPEAR to have boobs. Anyone who knows me knows that I was not blessed in that department AT ALL. If you were to compare boobs to fruit- I would have oranges- on a good day (okay fine- I did while breastfeeding- now I have tangelos). So I was examining this display and seriously considering another economically stupid purchase when I made myself walk away.

I arrived home put the stupid Spanx back on and into the living room to show my sister in law the stupid shirt that makes me look like a grape with my stupid hooker heels and size ten jeans. Her reply? "You know what you need?! Spanx! I swear by them! They are the most amazing thing when you just don't feel like sucking it in." I wanted to scream every cuss word in the book - but that would mean acknowledging that I already had on Spanx and this was as good as it gets.

Fast forward- three hours later we are out and about and momma has to pee. HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO PEE WITH SPANX!? It was a miracle to get into them to begin with with all of the stupid straps and stretchiness. I seriously looked around the bathroom for something sharp to cut them off- I was that desperate. So chunky girl in a cubicle AGAIN for 15 minutes sweating, panicking, and wanting chocolate while having to pee.

And for everything that gets sucked into those stupid media driven torture hose- something has to come out somewhere. YES you look smaller where the Spanx are, but where they are not- THAT'S WHERE THE EXCESS POPS OUT! Seriously every ounce of fat that was hidden around my middle popped out under my bra and between those little straps that you attach to your bra. NOT IN my boob area where the needed chicken cutlets would have been but UNDER the bra. I had so many issues, it was terrible. Not to mention the fact that HELLO!?!? This is TX, and it is freaking hot here without wearing a skin tight layer of support garments under your everyday clothes.

So my deduction? Grab four sizes when you walk into a dressing room. Don't look at the tags when you try them on- buy what fits and burn the evidence. If you own Spanx- burn those too. If you own chicken cutlets throw them out. After all- no matter how sexy you might appear with those evil products- eventually at the end of the night they have to come off- and you won't look the same without them, so why fool yourself or someone else to begin with? We are beautiful as is- and we should try to convince ourselves of that without all of the trickery that the media wants us to believe in.

But if you MUST buy them- also buy chocolate and crisco. you will need them both. trust me.

tiny little hands

Sometimes it is so easy to get upset
When those tiny little hands make such big messes,
And those tiny little noses are constantly dirty,
And those tiny mouths are forever getting louder.

But one day not too far from now
Those not so tiny hands will go into kindergarten,
And those not so tiny noses will be runny from a broken heart,
And those not so tiny mouths will be calling from far away.

Instead of getting frustrated as mommas often do
Help those hands make the messes,
Wipe the noses and kiss their cheeks while you are at it,
And help those tiny mouths to find their own voices.

Take a picture of these moments,
Spend these times together not in timeout,
Cherish every second because all too soon
You will wish for their return!


Love you guys- sorry for the depth of the subject but my fingers just started typing, and I hope someone out there needs this as much as I did when I wrote it.

It was definately a man

I have already posted once today but this was just too funny not to share.

I had to read a story tonight for my World Lit class titled "Lysistrata" by ancient Athenian author Aristophanes. This entire play was about a war between Athens and Sparta and how the women decide to end the war by withholding sex from their men. Okay that in and of itself was silly, but entertaining... then it just got ridiculous.

After FIVE DAYS without sex the women are jumping the city walls trying to get to their men like they left their bottles of Prozac at home. REALLY? 5 days!?!

Here's how it goes down at my house:

>enter hubby< "babe the kids are asleep"
>I say< "and?"
"it's been a while" (heavy with implication)
"fine- but I have a paper to write and dishes to do so let's be quick about it"
"deal"
" oh and I'm not shaving my legs"

okay- maybe not THAT bad- but pretty close sometimes. Anyway- so I found it hilarious that this MALE author thought that even in a comedy women were so desperate for sex that they would climb the walls after five days without it. Silly silly man.

Philosophy Paper Vs My Faith

I had a philosophy paper due to today that I really struggled with. This whole semester has been a test of my faith, but this one had to be put in black and white. I had to choose an argument to agree with out of the following

A) God exists because the world does
B) God exists because of the design of things
C) God exists because he is the greatest conceivable being

At first glance I could see how all of these could work on some level- I mean I DO believe God made the world, and I do believe that He is intelligent and therefor so is the design of everything around us, and I do believe that God is great- but it just felt like I was putting God into a box- and I have learned never to do that.

If God is just a creator or designer- that would be like saying Van Gogh existed because he painted Starry Night. I may be wrong, but I am pretty sure he existed for more than just the time period that it took to paint that portrait, and I am also pretty sure he had more to him and his life than just that one character trait.

And saying that God was only as great as we can conceive? How arrogant of us to think that we could ever possibly even fathom Gods greatness! I don't know about anyone else- but God has done so many amazing things in my life that I can not possibly ever understand, and I don't think that he intends for us to.

So I argued against all three! So let's start praying now that my agnostic professor can see the argument behind the paper and not just that I disagreed with all three of the options!

Reverse Santa and OCD

My two year old has a plethera of toys- I mean toys out the wazoo, and over time I have developed this nasty little habit of playing REVERSE santa. If a toy hurts when it gets thrown at you (and trust me, it will get thrown), makes too much of a mess, or is overly annoying (playing the song over and over for three minutes at a time all day long everyday for six months), then when the kids go to bed it magically disappears into never never land. Well, I thought this was a great plan until Ash developed OCD. Not THAT OCD, but Obsessive CLINGING Disorder. What is that?

Example:
The other day we went to Walmart and Ash snuck a Spiderman umbrella into the cart. I know I know, I should have put it back, but as anyone who has raised a two year old (or multiples that close in age) knows, by the time you finally make it through the store and to the check out line the promise of the sun is so intense that angels are singing the hallelujah chorus and you just want out. SO I bought the stupid thing and ran for dear life to the sanctuary of my car where the kids can be as awful as the want without everyone in town staring at me.
So now Ash takes that silly umbrella EVERYWHERE, which wasn't so bad until his dad taught him that it opens. Thanks a LOT hun. So now, rain or shine, that umbrella is with us... opened.... in public.....

and people wonder how I can be such a bad parent and make this poor sweet angels toys disappear...
oh..and FYI- I know- my two year old has a bottle in his mouth, no shoes on and dirty feet. Don't get me started- that's another handful of battles for another day!

I will post another blog soon on the lessons I have been learning, and how school is going. Sorry it has been so long!

the boys at home

thought I would share my little men with everyone for a sec! My boys are always so excited when I get home from school- all grins for momma!

day 4

Today was my first day of college in seven years. It was so hard, and so rewarding at the same time. I came home just amazed at the amount of people that I had met, amazed at how much work I had after two classes, and then in retrospect amazed at how God had guided my day for me weeks and months before it ever occurred. My biggest fear in going today was that I would stick out like a sore thumb, just be this old hag in the midst of all these teenagers who were just starting out in life. Well class number one occurs, and lo and behold literally a senior citizen walks in the class and is not the professor. This completely gray haired elderly gentleman comes and sits directly beside me and obviously wins the prize for oldest person in the class. Not a big deal to most, but to me in just felt wonderful. By the time the class was over I had met a girl who sits directly behind me, and although she was not as old as I was, she was just returning to college after having taken a break herself. Once again, another way God was showing me that I wasn't on my own. Along comes class number two, and there is a time during this class where the professor wants us to exchange information with student around us because we are required to form a study group. So I am talking to a few girls sitting around me, and it turns out that one is 33, married with a ten year old boy, and one is 24 and engaged to a 32 year old that she has been in a relationship with for years. Once again, God was prepared for me before I even set foot in that class. He paved the way to let me know that he had anticipated my needs and addressed them before I ever dared to ask for them. What an amazing God.

Okay so Feeding the Hunger Pt 3. This is a toughie for me, and I am going to say some things that my better judgement tells me not to throw out into the great unknown of the Internet where anyone and everyone can stumble upon them. But part of this blog is taking chances, being real, and facing myself head on with whatever gets set before me.

So Hebrew 12:

1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

The things that stood out to me tonight were that we are not supposed to be walking through this life but rather RUNNING. Run like there is something at stake, like there is a finish line to be crossed. No meandering, not strolling but Running towards and with Christ. We have already established that God has saved us, fed us milk, fed us wine (in part 1), then that He has started this hunger in our minds (part 2), but what happens when our zealous heart becomes quieter, and more still? When our "honeymoon phase" as it were, with Christ has ended? We join join join in our churches, we do things left and right to try to pump up our Christian achievement badges... but our spirit just isn't as inflamed? Because when Christ calls us and starts speaking to us he demands things of us. He tells us that if we are going to walk with Him then THIS is how He wants us to walk. When we refuse to do something that He lays on our hearts, instead of walking with and towards Him we take a step away. And gradually over time those steps accumulate and we are so far away that our passion becomes dimmed.
That passage in Hebrews talks of sins that entangle us and encumbrances that slow us down. So many people (including myself) ask questions like "well is it right or wrong- just give me a direct answer", or "how far can I push this without it being too far"? As Christians Matt reminded me that our question should not be those, but rather

DOES IT HELP ME RUN?

Why carry dead weight/ encumbrances in our spiritual life if all they are doing is slowing us down in our race with Christ? If we wake up everyday knowing there is something slowing us down towards becoming the happiest most fulfilled person that we can be... why do we continue to pick that thing up and carry it around?
If someone reads this, please get real about anything that is your burden and lets hold each other accountable- help each other to lay it down, One head is great, but a circle of hearts united in Christ is so much stronger.

I love you guys-

Day 3 (a day late)

Okay- so part of a blog is honesty- and even though I know this is probably not getting read, I still feel embarrassed to admit out loud that I already have failed miserably- on day 3. Last night instead of listening to my sermon and having that time with God, I was at Walmart buying the last "have-to's" for my first day of college and then I came home at 1:00 am and crashed. I completely left God out of what the world would have thought was an awesome day. I had shopped with my husband all day, I was prepping for a dream that was finally coming to fruition, and I completely left out the one person that totally made those things possible for me.

So here it is 9:36 on day four, I haven't cracked open my sermon for today either, I am staring at a mountain of homework (already) and thinking to myself that five hours of sleep last night was not enough, and I should completely just crash and burn for the day. However, my heart has been pretty heavy after having ignored God yesterday, so I am going to consume some caffeine, listen to my sermon and hopefully have another blog to post in the next couple of hours all about my first day of college and the amazing things that God did for me today in my day four, how He still watched out for me even though I didn't take the time for him last night. What an amazing God.

day two-

We received our tax return today- and whoo hoo my first impulse is to shop till I can't any more. However, I am a grown up and I have to be responsible- or so I keep reminding myself. So I can honestly say I haven't spent one penny yet and the day is at an end. (tomorrow may be a different story though..haha)

So day two I went to church again today via the internet (which I am beginning to love! sweatpants and my note pad curled up in front of my computer- face to face with God and God alone and no group of people to watch or be distracted by). Part two of the Feeding The Hunger Series is all about the mind. Matt Chandler went over tons of verses about how power and grace and goodness begin with our minds. Throughout this entire message I just kept hearing my mother and what she always used to say "Garbage in- Garbage out". I think that was our family motto through most of my teenaged years- we probably should have had t-shirts made as much as I heard it. Well that was essentially what this message was about, but on another level. He said

"where your mind goes your life will follow."

So if I were to sit around thinking about chocolate all day and then went out and saw a candybar, chances are I would eat that candybar. Okay? Basic concept and I get that, but it didn't seem to hit any chords with me. Then he said

"God allows both joys and sorrows in our lives in order to detach our hands from things of this world and attach them where they should be on Him."

Okay... that one was also good, but once again no lightning bolts in my heart. Well- then the bomb dropped...pretty literally. Matt said that most of us sit around in our lives watching tv and vegetating just waiting for that one sermon, or one event, or one person, or for our Bible to magically fly open to that one verse that will just change it all for us and make this head knowledge that we have attained over the years become a life practice for us. BAM- insert that God wall that I just ran right into. Yep that is me and me to a capital T. He went on to say that this is not how spirituality works.

Phillippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. 9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

How do we fix this waiting for God problem? Crawl into His lap- center ourselves there at all times. Quiet time with God for 9 minutes every day before we move on with life is not possible. THE TWO CAN'T BE SEPARATED. If God is in our lives then He should BE our lives. When we veg through life without paying attention to what enters our minds we are feeding ourselves with things that don't belong, that aren't healthy for us. And just like giving up caffeine or smoking, when you give up the trash, at first the good stuff doesn't taste right, or feel right, or seem to be working. But you have to persist- focus on the good stuff and don't let go. Grow your mind by sitting in the lap of God and the crap will fall away on its own. Persistence and training of the mind in the things that are right and Holy will change your life and make it follow.

So let's begin day 3 and see how we do with this new knowledge. I hope this post finds someone out there that needs it as much as I do.

Oh and song for the day-

day one with my yearly word

For me balance is going to be a hard thing to achieve and I am welcoming the challenge with open arms. I have learned a lot of hard life lessons along the road in my thirty years and one of them is that in order for anything to be done correctly God has to be in the center of it. I know this lesson in MY HEAD- not so much in my actual life application. So in order to strive for balance this year I am going to try to insert God into my day every day.

Today I went to my favorite church (which is in Dallas) via the internet and listened to a sermon by Mr. Matt Chandler called Feeding the Hunger for God. There are several parts to this series and I am looking forward to listening to more as the days come by. I hope that anyone that might stumble upon this blog that actually knows me will help to hold me accountable to this in my life. It is very easy to get caught up in the going and coming of life and leave out the One that makes it possible for me to be here at all. I know in my heart this is step one towards fulfilling the balance that my heart and soul so desperately need.

As per the sermon- (Isaiah 55 vs 1 -3) in my life I have already "come to the water". I have been saved and cleansed and I know that. But then I threw myself back into life without staying around for the "milk and wine" part. I didnt get strengthened and exhilarated. Kinda hard to lead a Godly life without it. So my prayer is that my daily (hopefully daily) time with God will be my strengthening time- my portion of milk as it were. So that I may become strong and ready for the exhilaration of being a child of God.

all time favorite song for you today

Bruce Hornsbry Mandolin Rain is my alltime fav song. Don't judge- I just love it unconditionally. And this video has the pride and prejudice movie backdrop which is an amazing book- so hey it's a win win situation.

My word for 2010

It seems like everyone has chosen a word for the year 2010, and I think it is a really cool idea, so I thought hey I'd give it a shot. Three weeks later I am still just as perplexed- and having a hard time summing up what I hope for my year to be in one word. There were several that I picked strictly for the intellectual factor- I mean picking a word that most would have to look up- that seemed like me. Then I tried some deeply motivational words, but nope that didn't seem to fit right either. SO I decided to go with what I felt in my heart- what I would desire most for my life to be and grow into this year and this is what I came up with.....






Balance. Very simple- and something I am going to strive to find, and maintain in this ever changing and oh so challenging life that is mine!

Upcoming movie that is a MUST

oh and lest we forget- dear john the movie coming out very soon- Loved that book- and love this song that they use in the preview-

music of the moment

Music is probably one of the most major parts of my life. The way it can change your mood and outlook all with just a few notes and words is truly amazing- This guy here is probably my favorite of the moment- I can't stop listening to him, and his bio is just amazing. For the non existent audience out there- I hope you like it as well

William Fitzsimmons:]