thought I would share my little men with everyone for a sec! My boys are always so excited when I get home from school- all grins for momma!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
the boys at home
thought I would share my little men with everyone for a sec! My boys are always so excited when I get home from school- all grins for momma!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
day 4
Today was my first day of college in seven years. It was so hard, and so rewarding at the same time. I came home just amazed at the amount of people that I had met, amazed at how much work I had after two classes, and then in retrospect amazed at how God had guided my day for me weeks and months before it ever occurred. My biggest fear in going today was that I would stick out like a sore thumb, just be this old hag in the midst of all these teenagers who were just starting out in life. Well class number one occurs, and lo and behold literally a senior citizen walks in the class and is not the professor. This completely gray haired elderly gentleman comes and sits directly beside me and obviously wins the prize for oldest person in the class. Not a big deal to most, but to me in just felt wonderful. By the time the class was over I had met a girl who sits directly behind me, and although she was not as old as I was, she was just returning to college after having taken a break herself. Once again, another way God was showing me that I wasn't on my own. Along comes class number two, and there is a time during this class where the professor wants us to exchange information with student around us because we are required to form a study group. So I am talking to a few girls sitting around me, and it turns out that one is 33, married with a ten year old boy, and one is 24 and engaged to a 32 year old that she has been in a relationship with for years. Once again, God was prepared for me before I even set foot in that class. He paved the way to let me know that he had anticipated my needs and addressed them before I ever dared to ask for them. What an amazing God.
Okay so Feeding the Hunger Pt 3. This is a toughie for me, and I am going to say some things that my better judgement tells me not to throw out into the great unknown of the Internet where anyone and everyone can stumble upon them. But part of this blog is taking chances, being real, and facing myself head on with whatever gets set before me.
So Hebrew 12:
The things that stood out to me tonight were that we are not supposed to be walking through this life but rather RUNNING. Run like there is something at stake, like there is a finish line to be crossed. No meandering, not strolling but Running towards and with Christ. We have already established that God has saved us, fed us milk, fed us wine (in part 1), then that He has started this hunger in our minds (part 2), but what happens when our zealous heart becomes quieter, and more still? When our "honeymoon phase" as it were, with Christ has ended? We join join join in our churches, we do things left and right to try to pump up our Christian achievement badges... but our spirit just isn't as inflamed? Because when Christ calls us and starts speaking to us he demands things of us. He tells us that if we are going to walk with Him then THIS is how He wants us to walk. When we refuse to do something that He lays on our hearts, instead of walking with and towards Him we take a step away. And gradually over time those steps accumulate and we are so far away that our passion becomes dimmed.
That passage in Hebrews talks of sins that entangle us and encumbrances that slow us down. So many people (including myself) ask questions like "well is it right or wrong- just give me a direct answer", or "how far can I push this without it being too far"? As Christians Matt reminded me that our question should not be those, but rather
Why carry dead weight/ encumbrances in our spiritual life if all they are doing is slowing us down in our race with Christ? If we wake up everyday knowing there is something slowing us down towards becoming the happiest most fulfilled person that we can be... why do we continue to pick that thing up and carry it around?
If someone reads this, please get real about anything that is your burden and lets hold each other accountable- help each other to lay it down, One head is great, but a circle of hearts united in Christ is so much stronger.
I love you guys-
Okay so Feeding the Hunger Pt 3. This is a toughie for me, and I am going to say some things that my better judgement tells me not to throw out into the great unknown of the Internet where anyone and everyone can stumble upon them. But part of this blog is taking chances, being real, and facing myself head on with whatever gets set before me.
So Hebrew 12:
1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
The things that stood out to me tonight were that we are not supposed to be walking through this life but rather RUNNING. Run like there is something at stake, like there is a finish line to be crossed. No meandering, not strolling but Running towards and with Christ. We have already established that God has saved us, fed us milk, fed us wine (in part 1), then that He has started this hunger in our minds (part 2), but what happens when our zealous heart becomes quieter, and more still? When our "honeymoon phase" as it were, with Christ has ended? We join join join in our churches, we do things left and right to try to pump up our Christian achievement badges... but our spirit just isn't as inflamed? Because when Christ calls us and starts speaking to us he demands things of us. He tells us that if we are going to walk with Him then THIS is how He wants us to walk. When we refuse to do something that He lays on our hearts, instead of walking with and towards Him we take a step away. And gradually over time those steps accumulate and we are so far away that our passion becomes dimmed.
That passage in Hebrews talks of sins that entangle us and encumbrances that slow us down. So many people (including myself) ask questions like "well is it right or wrong- just give me a direct answer", or "how far can I push this without it being too far"? As Christians Matt reminded me that our question should not be those, but rather
DOES IT HELP ME RUN?
Why carry dead weight/ encumbrances in our spiritual life if all they are doing is slowing us down in our race with Christ? If we wake up everyday knowing there is something slowing us down towards becoming the happiest most fulfilled person that we can be... why do we continue to pick that thing up and carry it around?
If someone reads this, please get real about anything that is your burden and lets hold each other accountable- help each other to lay it down, One head is great, but a circle of hearts united in Christ is so much stronger.
I love you guys-
Day 3 (a day late)
Okay- so part of a blog is honesty- and even though I know this is probably not getting read, I still feel embarrassed to admit out loud that I already have failed miserably- on day 3. Last night instead of listening to my sermon and having that time with God, I was at Walmart buying the last "have-to's" for my first day of college and then I came home at 1:00 am and crashed. I completely left God out of what the world would have thought was an awesome day. I had shopped with my husband all day, I was prepping for a dream that was finally coming to fruition, and I completely left out the one person that totally made those things possible for me.
So here it is 9:36 on day four, I haven't cracked open my sermon for today either, I am staring at a mountain of homework (already) and thinking to myself that five hours of sleep last night was not enough, and I should completely just crash and burn for the day. However, my heart has been pretty heavy after having ignored God yesterday, so I am going to consume some caffeine, listen to my sermon and hopefully have another blog to post in the next couple of hours all about my first day of college and the amazing things that God did for me today in my day four, how He still watched out for me even though I didn't take the time for him last night. What an amazing God.
So here it is 9:36 on day four, I haven't cracked open my sermon for today either, I am staring at a mountain of homework (already) and thinking to myself that five hours of sleep last night was not enough, and I should completely just crash and burn for the day. However, my heart has been pretty heavy after having ignored God yesterday, so I am going to consume some caffeine, listen to my sermon and hopefully have another blog to post in the next couple of hours all about my first day of college and the amazing things that God did for me today in my day four, how He still watched out for me even though I didn't take the time for him last night. What an amazing God.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
day two-
We received our tax return today- and whoo hoo my first impulse is to shop till I can't any more. However, I am a grown up and I have to be responsible- or so I keep reminding myself. So I can honestly say I haven't spent one penny yet and the day is at an end. (tomorrow may be a different story though..haha)
So day two I went to church again today via the internet (which I am beginning to love! sweatpants and my note pad curled up in front of my computer- face to face with God and God alone and no group of people to watch or be distracted by). Part two of the Feeding The Hunger Series is all about the mind. Matt Chandler went over tons of verses about how power and grace and goodness begin with our minds. Throughout this entire message I just kept hearing my mother and what she always used to say "Garbage in- Garbage out". I think that was our family motto through most of my teenaged years- we probably should have had t-shirts made as much as I heard it. Well that was essentially what this message was about, but on another level. He said
How do we fix this waiting for God problem? Crawl into His lap- center ourselves there at all times. Quiet time with God for 9 minutes every day before we move on with life is not possible. THE TWO CAN'T BE SEPARATED. If God is in our lives then He should BE our lives. When we veg through life without paying attention to what enters our minds we are feeding ourselves with things that don't belong, that aren't healthy for us. And just like giving up caffeine or smoking, when you give up the trash, at first the good stuff doesn't taste right, or feel right, or seem to be working. But you have to persist- focus on the good stuff and don't let go. Grow your mind by sitting in the lap of God and the crap will fall away on its own. Persistence and training of the mind in the things that are right and Holy will change your life and make it follow.
So let's begin day 3 and see how we do with this new knowledge. I hope this post finds someone out there that needs it as much as I do.
Oh and song for the day-
So day two I went to church again today via the internet (which I am beginning to love! sweatpants and my note pad curled up in front of my computer- face to face with God and God alone and no group of people to watch or be distracted by). Part two of the Feeding The Hunger Series is all about the mind. Matt Chandler went over tons of verses about how power and grace and goodness begin with our minds. Throughout this entire message I just kept hearing my mother and what she always used to say "Garbage in- Garbage out". I think that was our family motto through most of my teenaged years- we probably should have had t-shirts made as much as I heard it. Well that was essentially what this message was about, but on another level. He said
"where your mind goes your life will follow."So if I were to sit around thinking about chocolate all day and then went out and saw a candybar, chances are I would eat that candybar. Okay? Basic concept and I get that, but it didn't seem to hit any chords with me. Then he said
Okay... that one was also good, but once again no lightning bolts in my heart. Well- then the bomb dropped...pretty literally. Matt said that most of us sit around in our lives watching tv and vegetating just waiting for that one sermon, or one event, or one person, or for our Bible to magically fly open to that one verse that will just change it all for us and make this head knowledge that we have attained over the years become a life practice for us. BAM- insert that God wall that I just ran right into. Yep that is me and me to a capital T. He went on to say that this is not how spirituality works."God allows both joys and sorrows in our lives in order to detach our hands from things of this world and attach them where they should be on Him."
Phillippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. 9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.
How do we fix this waiting for God problem? Crawl into His lap- center ourselves there at all times. Quiet time with God for 9 minutes every day before we move on with life is not possible. THE TWO CAN'T BE SEPARATED. If God is in our lives then He should BE our lives. When we veg through life without paying attention to what enters our minds we are feeding ourselves with things that don't belong, that aren't healthy for us. And just like giving up caffeine or smoking, when you give up the trash, at first the good stuff doesn't taste right, or feel right, or seem to be working. But you have to persist- focus on the good stuff and don't let go. Grow your mind by sitting in the lap of God and the crap will fall away on its own. Persistence and training of the mind in the things that are right and Holy will change your life and make it follow.
So let's begin day 3 and see how we do with this new knowledge. I hope this post finds someone out there that needs it as much as I do.
Oh and song for the day-
Saturday, January 16, 2010
day one with my yearly word
For me balance is going to be a hard thing to achieve and I am welcoming the challenge with open arms. I have learned a lot of hard life lessons along the road in my thirty years and one of them is that in order for anything to be done correctly God has to be in the center of it. I know this lesson in MY HEAD- not so much in my actual life application. So in order to strive for balance this year I am going to try to insert God into my day every day.
Today I went to my favorite church (which is in Dallas) via the internet and listened to a sermon by Mr. Matt Chandler called Feeding the Hunger for God. There are several parts to this series and I am looking forward to listening to more as the days come by. I hope that anyone that might stumble upon this blog that actually knows me will help to hold me accountable to this in my life. It is very easy to get caught up in the going and coming of life and leave out the One that makes it possible for me to be here at all. I know in my heart this is step one towards fulfilling the balance that my heart and soul so desperately need.
As per the sermon- (Isaiah 55 vs 1 -3) in my life I have already "come to the water". I have been saved and cleansed and I know that. But then I threw myself back into life without staying around for the "milk and wine" part. I didnt get strengthened and exhilarated. Kinda hard to lead a Godly life without it. So my prayer is that my daily (hopefully daily) time with God will be my strengthening time- my portion of milk as it were. So that I may become strong and ready for the exhilaration of being a child of God.
Today I went to my favorite church (which is in Dallas) via the internet and listened to a sermon by Mr. Matt Chandler called Feeding the Hunger for God. There are several parts to this series and I am looking forward to listening to more as the days come by. I hope that anyone that might stumble upon this blog that actually knows me will help to hold me accountable to this in my life. It is very easy to get caught up in the going and coming of life and leave out the One that makes it possible for me to be here at all. I know in my heart this is step one towards fulfilling the balance that my heart and soul so desperately need.
As per the sermon- (Isaiah 55 vs 1 -3) in my life I have already "come to the water". I have been saved and cleansed and I know that. But then I threw myself back into life without staying around for the "milk and wine" part. I didnt get strengthened and exhilarated. Kinda hard to lead a Godly life without it. So my prayer is that my daily (hopefully daily) time with God will be my strengthening time- my portion of milk as it were. So that I may become strong and ready for the exhilaration of being a child of God.
all time favorite song for you today
Bruce Hornsbry Mandolin Rain is my alltime fav song. Don't judge- I just love it unconditionally. And this video has the pride and prejudice movie backdrop which is an amazing book- so hey it's a win win situation.
Friday, January 15, 2010
My word for 2010
It seems like everyone has chosen a word for the year 2010, and I think it is a really cool idea, so I thought hey I'd give it a shot. Three weeks later I am still just as perplexed- and having a hard time summing up what I hope for my year to be in one word. There were several that I picked strictly for the intellectual factor- I mean picking a word that most would have to look up- that seemed like me. Then I tried some deeply motivational words, but nope that didn't seem to fit right either. SO I decided to go with what I felt in my heart- what I would desire most for my life to be and grow into this year and this is what I came up with.....
Balance. Very simple- and something I am going to strive to find, and maintain in this ever changing and oh so challenging life that is mine!
Balance. Very simple- and something I am going to strive to find, and maintain in this ever changing and oh so challenging life that is mine!
Upcoming movie that is a MUST
oh and lest we forget- dear john the movie coming out very soon- Loved that book- and love this song that they use in the preview-
music of the moment
Music is probably one of the most major parts of my life. The way it can change your mood and outlook all with just a few notes and words is truly amazing- This guy here is probably my favorite of the moment- I can't stop listening to him, and his bio is just amazing. For the non existent audience out there- I hope you like it as well
William Fitzsimmons:]
William Fitzsimmons:]
Thursday, January 14, 2010
leaving out the buts
I had someone today tell me how lucky I was. This person has always been something major in terms of status and looks, which used to mean a whole lot to me, and those things still do even though I hate to admit it. Anyway- I just always thought this person had a gifted and touched life. We are having this conversation and in my head I am just like LUCKY? ME? and what follows was my thought process:
So here I am in this tiny place I call home, with children that I dearly love and would never trade for anything, but at the same time I have never thought I would be a mother type. I have this wonderful blessing of a husband that means more to me than the air I breathe, but at the same time he gets a headache when he reads a cereal box whereas literature is my passion. I am going back to school at 30 when most people my age have 2 and 3 degrees and are in the job that they have always wanted at this point in their life.
But here I was having this conversation with this person and he said that I was lucky and had it all. It made me stop and think- if I just leave out the buts in my head my life really is as amazing as it could be. (rewind in my head and leave out the buts... and here it is)
So here I am in this tiny place I call HOME with children that I DEARLY LOVE and would never trade for ANYTHING. I have this WONDERFUL BLESSING of a HUSBAND that means more to me than the air I breathe. and I am going BACK TO SCHOOL at 30!
so yeah, I have never followed the norms or the easy path- so hey this is okay. I have always seen all of the things that could be better and pretty much so focused on them- so instead this year I am going to focus on the great stuff and LEAVE OUT THE BUTS!
So here I am in this tiny place I call home, with children that I dearly love and would never trade for anything, but at the same time I have never thought I would be a mother type. I have this wonderful blessing of a husband that means more to me than the air I breathe, but at the same time he gets a headache when he reads a cereal box whereas literature is my passion. I am going back to school at 30 when most people my age have 2 and 3 degrees and are in the job that they have always wanted at this point in their life.
But here I was having this conversation with this person and he said that I was lucky and had it all. It made me stop and think- if I just leave out the buts in my head my life really is as amazing as it could be. (rewind in my head and leave out the buts... and here it is)
So here I am in this tiny place I call HOME with children that I DEARLY LOVE and would never trade for ANYTHING. I have this WONDERFUL BLESSING of a HUSBAND that means more to me than the air I breathe. and I am going BACK TO SCHOOL at 30!
so yeah, I have never followed the norms or the easy path- so hey this is okay. I have always seen all of the things that could be better and pretty much so focused on them- so instead this year I am going to focus on the great stuff and LEAVE OUT THE BUTS!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Matt Chandler
I know I have basically been a hermit this past year without being online or working and basically just staying home all day everyday raising my boys, so as such I have lost touch with a lot about the real world and what is happening in it. So most of you already know I am sure, but Matt Chandler who is my favorite speaker/ preacher from The Village Church in Dallas has cancer, and recently had a brain tumor removed. I doubt anyone reads this, but I would just like to put it out there in the universe or wherever- that we love you Matt- and I hope that everyone will send some prayers up for this amazing man whoe has touched my life countless times through his ministry.
perfection vs reality
Being on Facebook is new to me- I have put it off for a very long time for reasons such as I am encountering today. All of these wonderfully perfect people who I went to school with back in the day, that are still wonderfully perfect and so perfectly content with all of their life choices and how things have turned out. Do you know the kind of people I am talking about? The ones that literally poop gold and wake up looking flawless every morning of their lives?
Meanwhile there is me... hmmmm. Lets see... my wonderful husband, whom I love very much, was very artistic when we met. I mean so talented and still is, but the closest I get to seeing an artist today is when his 2 year old son takes off his diaper and paints with his poop on the wall. Yeah, it's gross but hey it happened so there it is.
And that perfectly tanned body that I just HAD to have all through my twenties and teens? Well now I look like frosty the snowman because everytime I walk NEAR the sun I get freckles. And I don't just mean cute little barely there freckles, I mean massive amounts of really dark freckles.
And having children... I know they are a blessing don't get me wrong... but COME ON! Does my body serously have to change THIS much? I had my daughter when I was 18 and literally walked out of the hospital in my jeans I wore before. Now I am 30 have had 2 boys back to back (13 months apart), and nothing is as it should be on my body any more. Lets talk stretchmarks.... REALLY? Whoever decided to call them "badges of honor" must have been a male because all they are is a ticket to a one piece bathing suit for the rest of my life! And my poor hips, those will never be fitting into a size 6 or lower ever again. And lets get real honest here- there is this new addition to my body called a side-butt. No kidding- I am not a large person by any means but what others call love handles I call my side butt. It's like my blessed Curry butt that was too big to begin with decided to keep growing up and over on to my sides. no matter how small everything else gets it's there and oh my gosh that is just not fair! My husband gains twenty pounds and it's acceptable. I gain twenty pounds and feel like I am being carted off to the hefer show to win grand prize.
So anyway- I got a friend request today from a lovely little size two busy body that I went to highschool with. We werent friends in highschool- we haven't kept touch- why would I befriend her now? Answer: to torture myself by seeing that not only has she also had children, but she lives in a MASSIVE house, with a hot hot husband, she doesn't work, and is still a perfectly groomed size two looking thirty year old. Lovely- so very happy for you.
So I have signed off of facebook for the day and am going to focus on something positive- like ummmm.... aww screw it that just isn't my personality. Let's be real I will probably mope for a while, then clean house and change diapers and do laundry and wonder what I really signed up for and where is my magic nanny?!
Meanwhile there is me... hmmmm. Lets see... my wonderful husband, whom I love very much, was very artistic when we met. I mean so talented and still is, but the closest I get to seeing an artist today is when his 2 year old son takes off his diaper and paints with his poop on the wall. Yeah, it's gross but hey it happened so there it is.
And that perfectly tanned body that I just HAD to have all through my twenties and teens? Well now I look like frosty the snowman because everytime I walk NEAR the sun I get freckles. And I don't just mean cute little barely there freckles, I mean massive amounts of really dark freckles.
And having children... I know they are a blessing don't get me wrong... but COME ON! Does my body serously have to change THIS much? I had my daughter when I was 18 and literally walked out of the hospital in my jeans I wore before. Now I am 30 have had 2 boys back to back (13 months apart), and nothing is as it should be on my body any more. Lets talk stretchmarks.... REALLY? Whoever decided to call them "badges of honor" must have been a male because all they are is a ticket to a one piece bathing suit for the rest of my life! And my poor hips, those will never be fitting into a size 6 or lower ever again. And lets get real honest here- there is this new addition to my body called a side-butt. No kidding- I am not a large person by any means but what others call love handles I call my side butt. It's like my blessed Curry butt that was too big to begin with decided to keep growing up and over on to my sides. no matter how small everything else gets it's there and oh my gosh that is just not fair! My husband gains twenty pounds and it's acceptable. I gain twenty pounds and feel like I am being carted off to the hefer show to win grand prize.
So anyway- I got a friend request today from a lovely little size two busy body that I went to highschool with. We werent friends in highschool- we haven't kept touch- why would I befriend her now? Answer: to torture myself by seeing that not only has she also had children, but she lives in a MASSIVE house, with a hot hot husband, she doesn't work, and is still a perfectly groomed size two looking thirty year old. Lovely- so very happy for you.
So I have signed off of facebook for the day and am going to focus on something positive- like ummmm.... aww screw it that just isn't my personality. Let's be real I will probably mope for a while, then clean house and change diapers and do laundry and wonder what I really signed up for and where is my magic nanny?!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
needing an outlet
I have discovered that being a mother of three (a tween, a 21 month old, and a 9 month old), may not be all that I thought it was going to be. Dear Lord give me patience and prozac. So in order to keep myzelf and my family sane, enter the world of blogging. This will be my outlet to the real/ nether world and I hope to God that what I say doesn't offend anyone who might stumble across it. So for those over sensitive, or those who for some reason still think I am angelic please disregard anything that seems too over the top!
