day 4

Today was my first day of college in seven years. It was so hard, and so rewarding at the same time. I came home just amazed at the amount of people that I had met, amazed at how much work I had after two classes, and then in retrospect amazed at how God had guided my day for me weeks and months before it ever occurred. My biggest fear in going today was that I would stick out like a sore thumb, just be this old hag in the midst of all these teenagers who were just starting out in life. Well class number one occurs, and lo and behold literally a senior citizen walks in the class and is not the professor. This completely gray haired elderly gentleman comes and sits directly beside me and obviously wins the prize for oldest person in the class. Not a big deal to most, but to me in just felt wonderful. By the time the class was over I had met a girl who sits directly behind me, and although she was not as old as I was, she was just returning to college after having taken a break herself. Once again, another way God was showing me that I wasn't on my own. Along comes class number two, and there is a time during this class where the professor wants us to exchange information with student around us because we are required to form a study group. So I am talking to a few girls sitting around me, and it turns out that one is 33, married with a ten year old boy, and one is 24 and engaged to a 32 year old that she has been in a relationship with for years. Once again, God was prepared for me before I even set foot in that class. He paved the way to let me know that he had anticipated my needs and addressed them before I ever dared to ask for them. What an amazing God.

Okay so Feeding the Hunger Pt 3. This is a toughie for me, and I am going to say some things that my better judgement tells me not to throw out into the great unknown of the Internet where anyone and everyone can stumble upon them. But part of this blog is taking chances, being real, and facing myself head on with whatever gets set before me.

So Hebrew 12:

1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

The things that stood out to me tonight were that we are not supposed to be walking through this life but rather RUNNING. Run like there is something at stake, like there is a finish line to be crossed. No meandering, not strolling but Running towards and with Christ. We have already established that God has saved us, fed us milk, fed us wine (in part 1), then that He has started this hunger in our minds (part 2), but what happens when our zealous heart becomes quieter, and more still? When our "honeymoon phase" as it were, with Christ has ended? We join join join in our churches, we do things left and right to try to pump up our Christian achievement badges... but our spirit just isn't as inflamed? Because when Christ calls us and starts speaking to us he demands things of us. He tells us that if we are going to walk with Him then THIS is how He wants us to walk. When we refuse to do something that He lays on our hearts, instead of walking with and towards Him we take a step away. And gradually over time those steps accumulate and we are so far away that our passion becomes dimmed.
That passage in Hebrews talks of sins that entangle us and encumbrances that slow us down. So many people (including myself) ask questions like "well is it right or wrong- just give me a direct answer", or "how far can I push this without it being too far"? As Christians Matt reminded me that our question should not be those, but rather

DOES IT HELP ME RUN?

Why carry dead weight/ encumbrances in our spiritual life if all they are doing is slowing us down in our race with Christ? If we wake up everyday knowing there is something slowing us down towards becoming the happiest most fulfilled person that we can be... why do we continue to pick that thing up and carry it around?
If someone reads this, please get real about anything that is your burden and lets hold each other accountable- help each other to lay it down, One head is great, but a circle of hearts united in Christ is so much stronger.

I love you guys-